…has been… difficult.
There has been a lot of good and a decent helping of “okayyy I would rather this not happen” and then a bunch of “ouch are you freaking KIDDING me, life?”.
But I am convinced that the worst is over, for now: in a couple of days I travel to Japan for a conference and short vacation (YAY). When I come back from Japan, I’m moving apartments. I am sad to leave my current place, but my new apartment is cheaper, closer to campus, and I’ll be living with some interesting creative folk so I’m really excited for the move. The past few months have reminded me that I have marvelous friends, who have all been wonderful and supportive during a phase in my life I can probably best describe as “sad, cranky and anxious”. And I can start to see some outline of long-term career goals through that hazy fog that I see when I try to look beyond the PhD.
I’ve been pre-occupied with pulling out the weeds in my life’s garden. Desperately trying not to let them take over because I know if I don’t keep on top of them, they might start to strangle everything else. All that time spent dealing with the weeds made me feel terrible about not tending to the rest. But as I start to feel like I have control of the weeds, for now, for the first time in months, I look around at my little wild garden, and it’s still rather lovely. Messy, sure, but it’s beautiful, and it’s still there.